Category Archives: Attempts at Humor

@HonestToddler, meet Honest 10-month-old!

Baby Lucie being mischievous, A Mom Apart

I just discovered what might be the greatest Twitter handle of all time, for new parents at least. @HonestToddler is a person with a very wry sense of humor, who is obviously a parent of a toddler, tweeting a toddler’s thoughts. Some of the greatest tweets are listed in this Huffington Post article, but I basically pee myself every time I see one of his/her updates on Twitter.

As the parent of almost-toddler Lucie, I thought it would be funny to come up with a few of my own. No way will I ever be that witty, but hey, maybe someone will get a chuckle out of it.

Oh, you mean you didn’t request a 5:30 a.m. courtesy wake up call? Suck it!

Mom’s favorite show is The United States of Tara, but she complains about my rapidly-changing personalities. Don’t get it.

Why do they call it a jogging stroller if it’s never used for jogging? smh

While you’re on the subject of my birthday, I’d like 100 electrical sockets to play with.

I HAAAATE MY LIIIIIIIFEE – wait, a game of peek-a-boo? Yipeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

I throw something on the ground, they pick it up like little monkeys. #winning